Disappointing, though hardly unexpected-or unsurprising- the news that Morgan Tsangirai has pulled out of the Zimbabwe "elections". As I drove to church this morning, I heard on the news fears about the police moving in at a sports stadium where the opposition were to hold a rallye, and found myself thinking that this was not the smartest thing to do, as most likely that would end with a massacre of people who would otherwise have still been alive to vote next weekend. What's more depressing than handing Mugabe the victory, (not to mention the still rankling knowledge that everyone else in the world knows that the election was won fair and square first time round) is that I'm not even sure that Mugabe is the winner. I fear that he's no longer in charge (and though this may not in itself be a bad thing...) and is merely a puppet front of a military coup. And this I fear will ensure that the Zimbabwean people continue to suffer for a long time to come. In a different world, you could almost expect Mr Bush to put Mugabe on his list of next to go in and wipe out, but that's not going to happen. Poor Archbishop Sentamu, he'll be without his collar for a while yet.

How sad. Esbjörn Svensson, a third of the fabulous Esbjörn Svensson Trio , has died in a scuba accident . So I guess I won't be watching them again live at the Sage next spring. Was worth the queue to meet him the first time though. Listen to some classics on MySpace or watch some live footage on YouTube (of When God created the Coffeebreak).

Tribute page is here . 

Apropos of I can't quite remember what, I had a conversation a while ago with Jane and Elliott about how a nose job can utterly confuddle people's sense of their identity in a way that they didn't expect, even given the nose they wanted. I've seen a documentary talking about it, and Jane and Elliott know someone who is almost unrecognisable after surgery - I know when it was, it was after a piece in the paper about someone publishing a kiddies book about mommy going into hospital to be made beautifuller - and how much more of a self esteem issue that kind of cosmetic surgery is than a physical one. I suppose you so subconsciously identify with all the bits and pieces parts that make up your whole, whether you like them much or not, that it would be really hard to imagine, even if you did want to change some bits, how it would really make you look and feel.
Some point at the weekend, when SL was playing up, I managed to change skins on my av. I couldn't find the one that I was wearing, and I wanted to try things on to set up a freebie box for beginners, and stupidly I changed one. Only a skin, not a shape, but somehow, something went awry. I'm not sure what, but something happened to my face shape, or my chin pointyness, or my nose. I don't even know whether one or the other, or all three. But I cannot get back to what I looked like before. At least, roughly so, I guess I'll be as recognisable as ever, but it's so frustrating to look and think, no, that's not quite how it was last week, and really not for the life of me work out quite how, and how to fix it. And that's only my avatar..... not that I was planning any plastic surgery anyway, thankfully

For all those of you who believe that SecondLife is a 'game' or that everyone has a perfect Barbie-esque look and shape, here's a fantastic video from Rob Wright. He expresses it below more eloquently than I, but I am fascinated by this, by the sheer variety of faces, and the personae and the person that you see shining through. The beauty and creativity of the human race. Watch and appreciate. It is such an expressive way to break open the online identity question.

"War-paint. Camouflage. Concealment. Act of self-expression or of belonging to a group. Representation, reflection, or pretense? For protection sometimes; actually often. A curtain, a screen, a veil behind which to hide. A shield, disguise or figment. Often fanciful though - ones persona, like war-paint. Masks and avatars. Behind each, a person, with hopes and fears, with feelings often much deeper than the side they show; actually, always."

Whilst learning about machines in order to build and script them in the virtual factory, I've been submitted to - amongst others - this. Some of it is fascinating, but my, some of it doesn't half encourage you to cook fresh....

Yesterday morning, as I drifted in and out of sleep/consciousness curled up on the sofa under a cocktail of drugs intended to give me a voice to sing with last night, I had Saturday Morning Kitchen on in the background, and I dreamt they showed you how to make cheese. Not, as I imagine it would be, trickily and time-consumingly, but by boiling milk, chucking some yoghurt in and draining and squashing it. Don't be ridiculous I thought when I woke up. But I went to check, and there you go, it was an indian buffet for some previous year's FA Cup final and so they did. Paneer . How interesting. That really was how she made it . Not sure why this surprises me, I've seen plenty of milk almost turn to cheese in my time, but not cheese I'd eat :O Maybe I'll give this a go with some of my delivered milk!

...for that special present... check out Toplots.co.uk for something different. I can recommend a personal tour of Durham Cathedral and Deanery , open for bidding from the 3rd of June, but there are lots of other options if you prefer lawnmowers or WWII aircraft to cathedrals. Great way of raising money for the arts and culture!

Oh dear. I appear to have turned into a geek. Second Life was all very well when I was relaxing in a hot tub on the beach, or modelling an evening gown collection almost as extensive as my real life one, but recently I've become a geek. Officially. I've built a copy of our tower block, complete with grotty (different colour, but equally grotty) carpet, finding myself rather proud of the fact it really does look real, and not a cheating photographic texture in sight. Now I'm wondering if that took me stupidly too long, as I've spent a rather pleasant hour watching tutorials on how to use Google SketchUp , which I've just been introduced to today, and can see lots of uses for...... A geek. It came to me in the end. How sad. What's more sad? Have I been saying Second Life needed an IKEA store or what. And well whaddya know, along with SketchUp there's 3DWarehouse which has....IKEA. Yay. Double sad.

It's not generally allowed to take pictures inside the Cathedral, and so usually you get to see the standard shots. But sometimes, even when you're so familiar with the place that you almost could imagine one day taking it for granted, your breath can still be taken away by a new angle or style. I was looking this evening to see if I could see a single sectional part to try and build in secondlife, and I found these. One, some panoramas taken inside and outside the cathedral (scroll down a bit, enjoying the other Northumberland ones on the way), and the other, an image which would make the most beautiful stained glass window I wonder it's not already been done. Beautiful.

Woo. Simple things Today I have put out not only my last lot of unsorted rubbish (well, sort of) and my new bags of recycling. I've actually had recyclable stuff piling up all over the kitchen in anticipation of the start of the new collections, so I've put out lots, but am really quite excited that not only can I recycle plastic, but all plastic, along with plastic film. And tetra pack, and the cardboard I have already been taking up to the recycle centre. About time too. 2008. Anyway, it's here now. If that's the only change/benefit of the new unitary council, it will do for me. Recycle now . Indeed.

Hmm. I'm such a supporter of the Co-operative, and its fair trade products and initiative. I can heartily recommend their fairtrade Bonada Shiraz, and the Malbec from a fun evening having bought all their range of fairtrade wines for fairtrade fortnight...! I just popped in now and they do a fairtrade belgian chocolate easter egg. Well to tell the truth I haven't really thought about it, and I'd normally buy mum green& blacks or something if I buy one, but fair trade coop chocolate egg - what a good idea.... EXCEPT - huuuuuge amount of cardboard and huuuuuuuuge amount of plastic packaging (not to mention - check out that pic, the egg is nowherer near the size of the egg-shaped plastic window..). Co-op, you really should know better. So appalled was I I considered it for less than 30 seconds. Admittedly, if I'm to buy an egg, they almost always come packaged, and at least the Co-op one is fairtrade chocolate... but still. Perhaps there'll be no eggs this year. Incidentally,  I hope I'm not the only one to be actually giddily excited to have taken possession of my green bag for cardboard and plastic recycling from the gate. (But no, it doesn't need adding to by an easter egg wrapper). What's most exciting is that there's no qualification on plastic, apart from it being not food-contaminated, so you gotta wash off those bits of lasagna micro-d to the container, but still! Whoopee. As of the 1st of April i shall have a ridiculously stupid amount of rubbish created. So go on, tax me for it... I don't mind being taxed for it (well of course I do, but you know what I mean) when they've actually given me the opportunity to recyle. Admittedly, the first couple of collections will be a bit full, cos I hoard my plastics  to either give someone where they do recycle some plastics, and take cardboard to the tip(!)/recycling centre when I run out of room or happen to be going that way. And the recycling will still be every two weeks, whilst the rubbish - of which I produce less than a carrier bag per week - every week. And the green bag plus the green box are about half the volume of the wheelie bin, which even by my maths says I can produce twice (or is that four times) as much 'rubbish' as recycling. Whereas I infact produce 2 (or 4) times as much recycling. And frankly, I'm not please by that. I have my last fortnight's cardboard recycling on the side table in my kitchen. If I could get my phone to work with Vista I could take a picture and share how much there is. Not masses masses, but more than I'd like. There's catfood boxes; a pizza box (ok, I know, was a treat after a long couple of days); a chocolate orange box (probably the last vestige of oranges I got last xmas - I am so bad at chocolate!); the wrappings from a second hand book I bought from Amazon (in fact the one about Assisi, but I deliberately paid twice as much for one that shipped within the UK rather than from the US); toothpaste box (is it too likely to cause a disaster just buying tubes? possibly...); an empty fishfinger box  (see my healthy diet! am emptying the freezer so I can defrost it); box from Co-op fairtrade teabags. So I suppose, if I didn't have a cat and didn't succomb to a pizza (consider it better than not eating, I do) then it would be living fairly light. But I sure as eggs is eggs there is one egg that is NOT having its packaging making it onto that pile.... Shame on you, Co-op.

Whilst researching for the essay I've just had to write on my theology course, I've been touring churches in secondlife (yes really). I was directed after I'd finished to the Basilica of St Francis at Assisi . Frankly, it's worth creating a secondlife acount for. The 'pictures' I took are in Facebook, but I think I'll move them to flickr so everyone can see - or better, go and look yourself. It really is the most stunning recreation. I've not been to Assisi, more in a sec, but to be able to walk around the Basilica(s) in secondlife is just amazing. There is, I've discovered a virtual tour available at the Institute of Digital Theology , so I feel slightly sorry for them, but perhaps in fact secondlife will increase their sales, not depress them. I'd not heard of the IDT before either, but anyone knowing how I got into technology will realise I'm very pleased they exist. Their demo on youtube is very good, and maybe more professional than secondlife, but since it will basically be the same images, I can hardly imagine much difference, and in secondlife you can put yourself in there via your avatar. Last night we were wandering round admiring it, and I went to look on the web because I felt sure the virtual one is from before the earthquake. Wikipedia has a great page on the Basilica , which can act as a perfect tour guide for your secondlife visit (I so need to get into machinima!), but only a tiny mention of the earthquake, saying one fresco by Cimbue was lost and 2 years reconstruction was needed. This needled me, so I looked further. I haven't been to Assisi, but it was one of the places in the world I was desparate to visit. When I was 18 we took my grandmother to Pisa and Florence, and having queued for ever to see David, mum and I had to literally sprint round the Uffizzi gallery, hardly seeing anything carefully, but saying one day we'll come back. The following year many treasures were lost in the fire, so I never did get back to see them. What you want to do, find a way of doing today. Don't put it off. I was devastated watching the TV coverage of the earthquake that hit Assisi, and felt I'd totally lost my chance. I've never been back, and actually, I've not really heard much about it, though I think I do remember a small news item saying it had re-opened to visitors. But I remember it being a disaster, so to read 'one fresco lost and 2 years' reconstruction' seemed a bit minimal. To practise your italian, and realise a) just how important the work of the IDT/churches/individuals is in documenting our treasured heritage in case of -I hate to say- act of God, or worse, b) just how impressive it is to be able to walk round the place in SL (though I still haven't established whether they had already taken all the photographs - I need to log back in and look carefully at the vault that went), and c) remember just how devastating the earthquake was - those poor people who ran the wrong way into it, rather than to safety by coming forward down the nave really only needed showing once, must be a different cultural sensitivity in Italy, please watch the video. This is why I do what I do. Not so much what I do now, but what drew me into the world of technology. We might argue over the Lindisfarne Gospels living here or in London, but if something destroyed them, we'd at least have the facsimile somewhere. You might also want to say a prayer for those four people...

See the BBC page and links for more info, and be grateful that a photographer was cataloguing the cathedral immediately prior to the earthquake. I guess it's his photographs we have to thank. And here's a temptation to book those tickets.

I seem to have been away a lot recently, without having been away at all.  I've been writing an essay (felt more like a novel) for my theology course, for which I've spent lots of time on the web and in second life, and lots of time writing. No sooner was that done, dusted and printed, toddled I off to Ushaw College (all of a quarter of a mile up the road, so not very 'away') -the catholic seminary now making ends meet with conferences and a lot of work for the diocese- for the midway point residential for my theology class. Slightly trepidatious, I confess, as it was exploring creativity in spirituality and theology (with Revd. Robert Cooper , diocesan chaplain to the arts), and my right-brain activity is somewhat limited! Anyway, it was fab, if tiring. Great conference, better than trying to fit in the other Durham colleges, and amazing grounds, views and buildings. One of the main activities was exploring and photographing things, taking into account the reason you took the shot. To be fair, I and everyone else took a minimum of 50 that were just pics, but I've uploaded some of the ones I took to flickr . now I've got my essay out of the way, with any luck I'll have time to be blogging again, and perhaps even start getting my entries out of here. Continued apologies for the dreadful look in the meantime!

oh dear. where does the time go? this time last year I was arguing with blog-city about not being able to keep my blog, and learning more than i ever wanted to know about building my own blog in my webspace. then dad went into hospital and everything went upside down. blog-city (I don't think it was just me that complained) allowed blogs to remain as they were for the time being, but now it's back to my subscription date, and I can't resubscribe unless I change blogs. Since I never finished learning how to build my own, I'm stuck with wordpress or bust. I reckon I know enough about wordpress to run a blog from there and gradually make a look that I like, but I don't know if I've time between now and saturday to individually download all my posts, as I can't just get them. So I will have to change to blog-city's new stuff and pay again while I try and get them to let me at my things, but it will be a dog's dinner while I do. Also, there's no longer a basic version, so if I don't pay, it all disappears, so keep watching carefully for an address change.....

you have been warned

Today was the installation of our new college chaplain, and this brought people out of the woodwork to the service - I hope Anthony's not expecting a full chapel every week! I found out that some lovely people from our senior common room who I'd sort of expected to see at last week's leaving do for Duncan (I can't call him the 'old' one, I've only just got used to calling him the new chaplain) were missing because Mike's son has finally -after an excruciatingly long and painful two years- passed away. For all the time he's been sick Mike has been beating himself up for being the one who brought asbestos home. I know I've struggled this year to help mum cope, and deal with my own pain, but at least I'm experiencing the natural flow of life. Burying your children isn't right, and that doesn't matter whether they're babes in arms or thirty- or even forty-somethings. But we live in a different world now - you can't blame yourselves for not being aware of the risks of asbestos just as you cannot look back and judge our parents for letting us get sunburnt. There will be parents out there who are burying offspring lost from skin cancer feeling just the same as Mike. It's candlemas; if you're lighting candles this weekend, please light one for a tortured body now at peace, and a tortured soul far from it.

Well, whaddya know. I took - especially for me - lots of nice photos of Boston in the sunshine, but for some reason, the one I took in the cloud of the library has been included in a Schmap web guide. Not of the library, but of the Old South Church behind it. Ah well, no accounting for taste, and I appear to be a published photographer!!

Ian posted these in Facebook, but I think they deserve wider attention. A chap in the US who has kept ALL of his rubbish for a year.It makes interesting reading, and I'd like to see the exhibit. I'm sure there must be someone out there wanting to make a Turner Prize out of it. Surely the Baltic would leap at the chance to display it. Jo and Andy and I were just talking about how to reuse/recycle/pass on old computer bits/cables and the difficulty in trying to get glass milk bottles these days, due to our collected rubbish being made up majoratively of milk bottles. They showed me a book someone has given them on ethical living, and I might have to achieve a copy of my own. If we can't have glass bottles, why can't we have tetrapack milk like they do in Sweden? At least some supermarkets (even in Durham) are now collecting tetrapacks for recycling. Looking at a period of time's worth of rubbish would be an illuminating lesson. I keep a lot of my rubbish in hoping to be able to recycle it, so I can see months where I've had more plastic trays from ready meals / pizza boxes than I have composted vegetable scraps, but also I can wonder whether it's better to buy eg washing liquid in plastic bottles which I can't recycle or cardboard boxes that I can... the maths of Full Environmental Costing making a big difference.  There simply is no such thing as "away" or "dispose" - and that has to change. Nappies was the other example we happened to discuss at dinner - is the energy and detergent used in washing real nappies eventually going to be overtaken/replaced by a better designed degradable disposable? I think Jo's hoping that there's an improved effective & environmentally friendly solution by the time she has kids!

Also, in a not too different vein, from Anna - a similar reflection to my post on not using energy. And one of the things that made me smile in Barbados last week was the ingenuity and reuse of materials by people. The tin shacks were cobbled together from all sorts of driftwood etc that here would get tipped or burnt, and very characterful places they made too! And I couldn't help but notice that at the end of my street at one side of the church the old victorian school building has just been demolished, whereas at the other side of the church is a series of new houses going up. Reuse of materials? Not likely!

And don't ask me about the environmental impact of the holiday I've just had... I feel bad enough! Though, since I mention it, is it better to buy fairtrade bananas from Dominica (their only main export) or to ship them less distance from Tenerife??

I'm here:
Or rather, I'm not anymore. Instead of spending xmas at home conscious of Dad not being there, Mum wanted to cruise away somewhere sunny. So I've been rained on in several caribbean islands now. We took the first part of a P&O South American Odyssey, an 84 day trip all round the coast of latin america which finishes in March. To track where the boat currently is, click here.

One day I'm going on holiday to Argentina to learn argentinian tango in situ. I'm about to post on our theology blog about a post which included this picture, and it's such a beautiful picture I thought I'd put it here too. For no other reason than I adore it.

Tango, by Arnold Isbister

There's a group appeared on facebook this week called 'No Fuel Day - 19th November'. I've been considering joining it, only I'd not be very good without fuel. Entertainingly I found it because Paul D joined it - and someone less likely to manage better than me without fuel I can't imagine :) Anyway, I went to the group today and discovered that in fact it is a protest about the price we pay for petrol, and the plan is to encourage people not to buy petrol tomorrow. That's all. I'm just back from Tesco, where I was trying vaguely hard to buy ethically not cheaply, and looking guiltily at the blueberries now marked 'Travelled by air'. I got a 5p per litre off petrol coupon, and looked at my tank when I got back in the car (yes, I do prefer to go to church on the bus, but today I had a number of errands to do afterwards, off the bus route), and I've a quarter of a tank left. To be fair, my car is small enough that I don't really notice a penny on a litre here and there, but since I don't think it's my turn to drive to choir tomorrow and the coupon is valid until the 2nd December, I might as well wait until the car is nearly empty and get my 5p worth. It would only be worth it if I go to Tesco again before the 2nd, granted, but since I'm almost there on Wednesdays anyway it's not an extra trip.

So in fact I probably could have joined the group/event with a clear conscience and 'succeeded', but I've been pondering the greater concept of no fuel day. Obviously, if I have to go to work at all, I can go totally on the bus, but then the bus uses fuel. I could stay home and work at home, but working at home involves light and heat. Don't suppose it has to - the attraction of many of the weavers cottages where I grew up are the first floor windows which are the full width of the house to bring in as much light as possible. My house is a dark house, so even if I didn't switch on the pc, I'd struggle to do much else in this weather without the light on. I could do housework (and no doubt should!) but my house isn't kitted out for ecowarriorness that wouldn't need electricity for the hoover (I think I own a dustpan and brush, though frankly I don't fancy doing the whole house with it), or hot water for washing etc. And though so far I've had the heating on minimum, my house cools down very quickly and I'm forever grateful that I can afford to heat it, as I can wear 6 sweaters but I can't write very well with numb fingers!

So what would I do with a no-fuel day? I'd be happy to have an excuse not to do housework, but not not to bake, or make coffee to spend quality time with people. I could wrap up warm and warm myself up walking into town. Then I could spend a whole day appreciating the peace and tranquility of all the silence and services in the cathedral - until it got dark, as although the cathedral is enchanting by candle light and the division of some candles by many people would be more efficient than many by many at home, it would still be fuel. So then we'd have to depart and head home again - to an additional four sweaters, fifteen pairs of socks and early bed. Hungry, most likely, unless we'd used fuel to cook... Makes you realise how much we take for granted, doesn't it? Building a fire provides heat, light and cooking capacity - how many of our AAA rated appliances do such combining?! 

Not buying petrol tomorrow is easy to succeed at. I hope it makes each of the 166 thousand people who joined the group think a bit more about it though, and be thankful that they aren't setting themselves a sterner test. Whilst they object to extra pennies on petrol, winter has begun, and thousands of old people have to choose between heating, lighting and cooking. May we be thankful for what we have and can afford, and look to fight for those who haven't and can't.

Being a shop assistant/market trader type person is such a fine balance, isn't it? Sometimes you have chosen something - shoes perhaps - and the assistant is too bothered by their own carefully-studied pose of nonchalance to either not notice you requiring or requesting service, or you have a persistant shadow whose queries as to your needs get in the way of you actually browsing and selecting something. (Actually, Oxfam is a big culprit, for neither of those exact examples, but I loathe the fact that when you head upstairs to potter through the academic books, someone on the staff instantly follows you and pretends to sit in the sofa reading whilst you know full well they're checking you don't slip something costing 99p into your bag. This irritates me muchly - if I was inclined to do so, I doubt I'd be in Oxfam in the first place - I'd much rather open my bag to inspection on leaving and be left to browse at leisure; half the fun is browsing, and picking up things rather randomly). I'm afraid that this afternoon someone lost my business from appearing at my elbow just too keen on said business, which would have been the princely sum of erm, two times £2.99, and which I ended up paying more for something I liked less elsewhere. I don't know why this occasionally annoys me, and I'm almost more annoyed with myself for deciding against the purchase. On return home, I've been curled up with +John Pritchard's new book and reading about the dual worlds inhabited that he illustrates, talking of liminal spaces. It's quite a liminal place to be being a shop assistant, I think. Encouraging the buyer without frightening them off, gaining their trust without pushing them away; recognising who needs that extra support, when to step forward, when to step back. A lesson for me to learn.

Had an exceptionally nice evening out last night, and have just been naming the new Flatbread Cafe as definitely a contender amongst my favourite restaurants in Newcastle. Right next door to my number 2 favourite, Pani's , it's a new persian spot, with a nicely exotic ambiance and some great food. And some lovely staff too. Worth a try, though be warned, think about your attire - when they say you only have flatbread to scoop up your food, that's all you get... white shirts probably a no-no . Not quite El Coto , but that is my number one fave - the restaurant is sublime. And apparently opening soon a Durham branch. Woo. There'll soon be almost as many spanish restaurants in Durham as italians... Anyway, Flatbread Cafe is recommended for an evening out. Matched, obviously by the very lovely company of Genevieve, Dorothy and Anna .

"And we now take a moment of relative quiet to offer our own prayers for the bride and groom" adlibbed the vicar, as the child who had screamed and kicked the panelling all through the service continued to do so, but even still, it was a lovely service. Gibside Chapel, apparently quite recently restored, is a beautiful place to get married, even in October, where the greyness held off enough for champagne outside afterwards. And yet again, a core of Sage Chamber Choir stalwarts beat the A1 traffic accident nightmare to perform at a service for one of our members. Obviously the beauty of the place and of the choir's singing only came close to the beauty of the bride, who seemed to be having a fantastic day. As it should be. And I hope her mum was rightly proud the the exceptionally pretty dress that she made for her.

There's nothing like being a sucker for punishment, is there? Today I went early for the bus, which was late (obviously, under the general laws of something these two most often happen the other way round). So though attempting to cut short a frankly grim week I was more aiming for a tiny bit of clear water to get my head together before heading off for my first proper class on the theology course. Having taken 2 hours to get home I had precisely no time to reboot my head and heart toward God, and fell in through the door (thankfully not quite last, Stuart having taken longer to get from Teesside even than me) with my brain playing catchup. Some people found Saturday's study day quite hard going - I found it deceptively easy, bearing in mind it was mostly study skills, learning styles etc. I should have been able to ease myself in tonight as well, with one early 15th C icon (brain explorer > medieval art & iconography, degree yr 2 > knowledge) and one metaphysical poem (brain explorer > english lit A level > knowledge), and looking back I suppose I might have dusted off a neural pathway or two, but they sure took some finding :o It will be lovely to dig out some of those skills and reuse them in new ways.